© 2018 by christian beirle gonzález

ANIMALS LOST IN URBAN ENVIRONMENTS

Jumping Kangaroo in Car Park

Detective Vukovich: "I hate these press cases, especially the weird ones. Where you jumping?"
Kangaroo: "To make a statement. Maybe make these jackels work for us. If I can get on the tube by 11:00, maybe she'll call us. Well how do I look?"
Detective Vukovich: "Like shit boss."
Kangaroo: "Yo momma."

 
[quote borrowed from "The Terminator" (1984)]

A Natural History of the Giraffe

Giraffe: "Good morning, gentlemen. ACME pollution inspection. We're cleaning up the world, we thought this was a suitable starting point."

 

[quote borrowed from "James Bond: Diamonds are Forever" (1971)]

Black Dog and Blue Shape

Fuchs: "Dog, I need to talk to you." 

Dog: "I'm tired, Fuchs. I just wanna get up to my bowl and get drunk." 

 

[quote borrowed and modified from "The Thing" - 1982]

 

The Dawn of the Giraffe

Francine Parker: "The Giraffe is still here." 

Stephen: "This Giraffe is after us. It knows we're still in here." 

Peter: "It is after the place. It doesn't know why, it just remembers. Remembers that it wants to be in here."

Francine Parker: "What the hell is this Giraffe?" 

Peter: "It's us, that's all, when there's no more room in hell." 

Stephen: "What?" 

Peter: "Something my granddad used to tell us. You know Macumba? Voodoo. My granddad was a priest in Trinidad. He used to tell us, "When there's no more room in hell, the Giraffe will walk the earth."

 

[quote borrowed and modified from "Dawn of the Dead" - 1978)

The Arrival of the Quantum Deer

 

Kasper Gutman: "You're a close-mouthed deer?"

Deer: "Nah, I like to talk."

Kasper Gutman: "Better and better. I distrust a close-mouthed deer. He generally picks the wrong time to talk and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously, unless you keep in practice."

[sits back]

Kasper Gutman: "Now, deer. We'll talk, if you like. I'll tell you right out, I am a man who likes talking to a deer who likes to talk."

Deer: "Swell. Will we talk about the yellow wall?"

 

[quote borrowed and modified from "The Maltese Falcon" (1941)]

Two Gentlemen and a Giraffe

Giraffe: "Our American friends are becoming overcautious.

Gentleman: "What about our timetable?"

Giraffe: "We MUST follow it."

Gentleman: "But will they?"

Giraffe: "I don't know. Boca's scared. He sees policemen in his soup."

Gentleman: "He's not wrong."

Giraffe: "The one who followed me on the subway, he's our biggest problem."

Gentleman: "Let me handle him."

Giraffe: "There'll be others."

[quote borrowed and modified from "French Connection" (1971)]

Jailbreak

There was a Zebra of mine on murder

And the judge's gavel fell

Jury found it guilty

Gave the Zebra sixteen years in hell

The Zebra said "I ain't spending my life here

I ain't living alone

Ain't breaking no rocks on the chain gang

I'm breakin' out and headin' home

Gonna make a jailbreak

Got to be free

Jailbreak, let me out of here

Jailbreak, sixteen years

Jailbreak, had more than I can take

Jailbreak, yeah"

[quote borrowed and modified from AC/DC - "Jailbreak" (1974)]

Something Wicked This Way Comes

M: "You don't trust anyone, do you?" 

Cow: "No." 

M: "Then you've learned your lesson." 

 

[quote borrowed and modified from "James Bond 007 - Casino Royale", 2006]

An Everyday Confusion

Sheriff Dan Shaw: "Well, I been needin' to talk with you; now's as good a time as any."

The Giraffe: "What about?"

Sheriff Dan Shaw: "Billy Borders."

The Giraffe: "Don't know the man."

Sheriff Dan Shaw: "Well, you missed your chance; you shot him yesterday."

 

[quote borrowed and modified from "High Plains Drifter" (1973)]

 

Horse in the Wall

Hyman Roth: "I don't trust a horse who can hardly speak English."

 

[quote borrowed and modified from "The Godfather 2" - 1974]

 

 

The Departure

Carla Jean Moss: "Kangaroo?" 

Kangaroo: "Yeah?" 

Carla Jean Moss: "What are you doing, baby?" 

Kangaroo: "I'm going out." 

Carla Jean Moss: "Going where?" 

Kangaroo: "There's something I forgot to do, but I'll be back." 

Carla Jean Moss: "And what are you going to do?" 

Kangaroo: "I'm fixin' to do something dumber than hell, but I'm going anyways."

 

[quote borrowed and modified from "No Country for Old Men" (2007)]

 

Two Gentlemen and a Jaguar

Jaguar: [Yawns]

Gentlemen: Tired? 

Jaguar: Aren't you? 

Gentlemen: No, I didn't have any drink with my supper. 

Jaguar: I didn't have any supper with my drink.

[quote borrowed and modified from "The Spy Who Came in from the Cold" (1965)]

 

A Bizarre Encounter

Giraffe: "Merry Christmas. What's your name, little boy?"

Little Boy: "Yukio." 

Giraffe: "Uh-huh, Yukio. What do you want for Christmas Yukio? Hmmm?"

 

[quote borrowed and modified from "The French Connection" - 1971]